We Took All The Drugs So You Don’t Have To*

Dear Editor:

I’m out with my friend Amy, and we just had a great idea for a column that Magazine might be really be interested in. It’s called “We Took The Drugs So You Don’t Have To.*” 

This column would appeal to anyone who can read and has ever been interested in what it feels like to have their life go from normal to way better to basically over in one 8 hour period. (It would also appeal to Sydney and Dan who missed out on the drugs tonight when we took them and pretended to go to the bathroom but actually left. sorry!!)  

Everyone loves drugs or hates them or is like, “Is it okay to take three ibuprofen?” but not all of these people are willing or able to experience drugs since a lot of them have jobs or blood disorders or children who are like, “I’m hungry, why aren’t you home?” They can’t just be going out to after hours clubs until 7am with a guy named Cheeto, but we can and literally are right now.

Depending on what’s going on with us, the column could run once a week or once or never. The basic structure would be to start with a goal like “fun” or “transcendence” and end with a lesson like, “You should never take meth at a bowling alley.” The middle part would be descriptions of what’s going (holy fuck jeff is here) and realizations like, “This is what life is ABOUT Amy!”

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Amy & Jane

*and also can’t because they’re gone. 

Sent from my iPhone

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