The word “selfie” has only been in the dictionary for a month, but for many people, the definition has already changed from “an image of oneself taken by oneself” to simply “an image.” Just because a photo was shared on Instagram, or was taken by someone under 30, or is of a human, does not mean it’s a selfie. For those who are still confused, here are 13 ways to differentiate between the selfie and the not-selfie.
1. If the photo was taken from farther than arm’s length away, that’s not a selfie.
2. Unless it was taken facing a mirror, which is a mirror-assisted selfie (mirfie), a recognized selfie subgroup.
3. If you hear someone say, “Can you take a selfie of us?” the answer is no, I literally cannot, because that’s not a selfie.
4. If you hear someone say, “Can you take a selfie of me?” that person doesn’t understand the boundary between the self and others, which can be dangerous in romantic relationships.
5. If the photo is of a cat, that’s not a selfie due to the selfie law of opposable thumbs.
6. If the photo is of Hilaria Baldwin doing yoga in her refrigerator, that’s terrible, but that’s not a selfie.
7. If the photo is of a butt, that’s a belfie.
8. Unless it’s not blurry. It’s scientifically impossible to take a clear belfie.
9. If it’s taken from an unflatteringly low angle, that’s a selfie of your mom.
10. If you can see armpit, that’s definitely a selfie.
11. If it’s a picture of a plane wing, that’s not a selfie. That’s my Instagram.
12. If it’s this picture of Ai Weiwei’s leg gun, that’s not a selfie; that’s a political statement.
13. Unless he was using a timer, then that could be a selfie. But people who use timers to take pictures of themselves should be treated with caution, because why don’t they have friends to take selfies of them?