You receive it and open the box with excitement and trepidation. There is always some trepidation of course, because there’s always some aspect of the item that you couldn’t fully comprehend online. Something that required holding it in your hands, something that if wrong could be ruinous. But even with that possibility of ruin, of return shipping labels and a lunchtime trip to the post office, you were willing to take a leap of faith, because isn’t it better to have tried to buy a thing online than to have never tried to buy a thing online at all?
Not least because sometimes you end up keeping the item even though the defect you feared came to pass. You do this partly because of the aformentioned return labels and partly because once you have the item you start to question whether the thing you thought was wrong is really so wrong. Maybe it is you who was wrong about this thing. You try to change your perspective by asking yourself questions like: If I saw this on a street style blog would I think it was wrong? Could this item help me get on a street style blog, or at least help me to become some approximation of someone who could get on one? Some crude sculpture of a street style star, not yet cast in a devastating ensemble that is the perfect mix of high and low.
Sometimes, a lot of the time, things are good because they are chosen, and soon the chosen thing, that in the beginning seemed to have some ruinous flaw—like the too deep body on this goddamn bag—becomes something you couldn’t imagine living without, and instead of changing (or exchanging) that thing, you try to change your feelings about the thing. You’ll change your whole life around this thing if you have to. You always used to be a perfectionist, unwilling to spend money on things that you weren’t 100 percent sure you loved more than any other thing in that category, but now you think maybe you were wrong about the things you were wrong about, or that maybe it’s the wrongness that you were missing all this time—the hint of dissatisfaction that makes you hold tight.